


The Lost Soldier And the Little Girl

by bookworm213



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Gen, Homeless Bucky Barnes, Homelessness, Hurt Bucky, I'm just making this up as I go along lol!, Lost Bucky, POV Alternating, Poor Bucky, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, also not sure if any other marvel characters will show up at this point, child character, not sure if this will be canon compliant with CW, this little girl tries to help him, yay I'm finally continuing this!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-03-08 21:16:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3223706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookworm213/pseuds/bookworm213
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Talia watches the man in the alley for weeks, trying to think of a way to help him. She decides the least she can do is bring him some leftovers from dinner.</p>
<p>The Winter Soldier is lost. Nothing makes sense anymore. He doesn't know why this girl is helping him, but he knows he needs her to try and regain his humanity.</p>
<p>Or: The Winter Soldier and a little girl form a friendship and the Soldier finds himself again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She passed the man in the alley every day with her parents. They told her not to look at him, that he was dangerous, some drug addict, or worse. Talia knew they were just trying to protect her. They were on edge since something had happened several weeks ago, something she wasn’t sure about because whenever she had entered the room they had shut off the TV and stared at her worriedly. Once she did see smoke coming in the direction of the Potomac. 

Talia had caught several glances at what the man looked like as she passed by the alley. He was dressed in a jacket and blue flannel shirt, stained and rumpled from weeks gone unwashed. His mass of shaggy dark brown hair reached almost to his shoulders, and a scraggly beard was beginning to form on his face. But what Talia noticed most was the glazed, lost look in the man’s eyes. He sat hunched against the brick wall, curling on himself to protect from the cold wind that blew through the alley, trembling slightly. The sight of him made Talia’s heart hurt.

“Can’t we help him daddy?” She asked one night over dinner, a small girl about ten years old with frizzy red hair and freckles that dotted her face.

Her father and mother exchanged worried glances. Her father shook his head. “Darling, we don’t know what kind of man he is. He could be some drug addict. In that case, it would serve him right, spending all his money on drugs instead of food or a place to live.” 

As her father launched into a speech about drugs, Talia glanced out the window into the alley where she knew the man was. She felt wicked, being warm and having a full belly while the man out there was hungry and probably freezing.

As she watched her mother put the leftovers from dinner into plastic containers, an idea began to form in her mind. That night she lay in bed, her eyes wide open, making sure her parents were asleep. Quietly, she slipped out of bed, padding her way into the kitchen. She opened the fridge where the leftovers from dinner lay. Carefully she took out a few containers. Then, wrapping herself up in her comforter, she opened the front door of the apartment, careful to let the door shut softly behind her. 

Talia shivered a little in the cool air. She quickly made her way over to the alley. Peeking inside, all she could make out in the darkness was the dark shape of the sleeping man as he curled into a ball in the far reaches of the alley. Quietly, Talia placed the containers of food near the mouth of the alley. Then, after a moment of deliberation, she took the comforter off her shoulders and placed it with the containers. The man must need something to keep him warm.

Talia’s heart felt lighter now. She took one last look at the sleeping man, and then softly tiptoed her way back to the door, softly shutting it behind her as she entered. 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
“Mission report, soldier.”

“Put him on ice.”

“Wipe him. Start over.”

The guard was forced into his mouth. He struggled and fought, but his body was being forced down into the chair. The cold metal pinned him down, and then the pain, the pain and screaming, screaming, screaming . . .

He shook awake violently, a scream tearing from his lips and his metal hand clawing into the ground beneath him, bringing up fistfuls of concrete. He was trembling, his body drenched in a cold sweat. He sat up, breathing heavily, before he realized where he was. In dirty alley that he’d been calling home for the past three weeks, not the HYDRA vault. Breathing out a sigh of relief, he straightened up, shivering as another cold wind blew through the alley. 

He’d saved his mission. Dragged him from the waters of the Potomac, despite every instinct screaming at him not to. His mission had called him a name. He didn’t recall ever having a name, but . . .he knew that was important. So, after dragging his mission from the Potomac, he fled. 

But leaving behind HYDRA was harder than he’d thought. He was absolutely lost in the world without his handlers. Without them he had no mission, no purpose, and no identity. He simply existed, with barely any memories to guide him to who he used to be. 

He looked up at the sky. It had to be morning. His stomach growled fiercely as he stood up, reminding him that he’d fallen asleep on an empty stomach last night. He’d managed to survive thus far on what scraps he could gather from outside restaurants or apartments. Hunger was still a new sensation. They’d always kept him nourished through a needle in his arm, and it had taken him a few days to remember he needed to eat. His body wasn’t used to not getting the nutrients it needed, and he needed more then the average person. He thought he’d eventually get used to the pangs of hunger, but he found he never quite does. 

It was only after he’d stretched his arms and legs that he turned to the mouth of the alley and saw the containers, and the comforter. 

He approached cautiously, picking up one of the containers and opening it. As soon as the scent of food hit his nose his stomach growled again and his mouth filled with saliva. Some part of his programming was screaming at him not to touch the strange food, but his programming hadn’t prepared him for his current state of existence, and he had no idea where his next meal would be coming from, so he started eating ravenously.

It didn’t take long for him to go through all the containers. His stomach felt wondrously full, probably the first time he’d actually felt full since before he could remember. He picked up the comforter. It was plain and white, with blue trim. He wrapped it around himself. Although it was cold from being in the night air, his body heat soon warmed it, and he sighed in relief as it shielded him from the cold wind that blew through the alley.

He leaned back against the wall, pondering this strange gift. Who could have left it? And Why? Still, it was kindness, a kindness he hadn’t felt in so long. He wrapped the comforter tighter around his shoulders. 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As Talia passed the alley the next day, she saw the man wrapped up in her comforter, and the empty food containers. She smiled to herself. She knew she would get in big trouble if her parents found out she were helping the man, but she didn’t care. She wracked her mind with what else she could do to help him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so yes, it's been more than a year since I updated this. But I'm trying to get into the swing of updating things more consistently, and I'm starting with my oldest unfinished fics. This chapter is a little short, but I want to write a longer one next, this time from Bucky's perspective.
> 
> I haven't decided if I want to make this fic compliant with Civil War or not. We'll see. Enjoy! :)

The next evening, Thalia snuck out of the house again. The sun was just staring to sink below the clouds as she made her way over to the alley where the homeless man lived. In her hands was a leftover container of fried rice she had managed to swipe from the fridge after her mother had washed the dishes. She was determined to help this man, since no one else around her, not even her parents, seemed to care whether he needed help or not. 

She peeked around the corner and saw the man curled up in the back of the alley. With a flash of delight she saw the comforter she had given him the day before was still wrapped around his shoulders. His face was to her, and his eyes were closed, making him look vulnerable, almost childlike.

She approached him slowly, kneeling down so that her little body was almost the same level as his. She could see that the man had deep purple bags under his eyes, and his skin was covered in dirt and a few noticeable scars. He didn’t smell great either, and Thalia found herself wrinkling her nose slightly as she came closer.

She was about to place the container of food on the ground and leave when the man’s eyes opened.

A startled squeak escaped her, but the man had already flinched and backpedaled a few feet away from her. He looked poised as if to bolt to his feet and run. His eyes were wide, reflecting fear and wariness, and his breathing was heavy. 

Thalia felt a twinge of fear. What if her parents had been right? What if this man was dangerous?

“I’m sorry!” She said before she could stop herself. “It’s just that I’ve seen you out here, and you looked hungry, and cold, and I thought the food and the blanket would help . . .” She rambled on, noticing the man’s eyes go wide with realization. He still didn’t relax, but his eyes looked less afraid. “And I have some leftovers from dinner tonight, and I thought you might want them too . . .”

A low noise pierced the air between them. It took a moment for Thalia to realize that it was the man’s stomach rumbling. 

His eyes narrowed at her, and Thalia gulped a little before tentatively taking a step forward. I’m just gonna leave it here, okay?” She set the takeout box on the ground at her feet. The man watched her as she took a step back. “My name’s Thalia by the way.” She gave him a small smile. “I live in the house next door, so if you need anything, I’m . . . right there.”

She started taking steps backwards until she was out of the alley. She had barely turned around when she heard a deep, slightly raspy voice. 

“Thank you.”

Thalia looked back where the man had picked up the food container. She gave a tiny nod, and turned and darted back to her front door before her parents could realize she had left.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter three! I cranked this out sooner than expected and I pretty proud of it! Enjoy! :)

No one had ever shown him kindness before, at least not that he could remember. All HYDRA had done was hurt him, push him into the chair and let the machine destroy his memories before sending him to commit unspeakable crimes in their name. He never had real name, other than Winter Soldier or Asset, soldier or soldat. He had merely been a gun to fire at whatever target HYDRA desired eliminated. 

He held the takeout container in his hands, staring at the mouth of the alley long after the girl had left. It confused him, why the girl would be nice to someone she barely knew, let alone a scruffy homeless man living in an alley. With a tinge of amusement, he thought how it was just the girl’s luck that the one man she decided to help happened to be one of the most deadly and feared assassins in history. 

He didn’t deserve her kindness, or her pity. 

Still, he ate the food, letting it settle pleasantly in his stomach before wrapping himself in the comforter and falling back asleep. When he woke again, it was morning, and people were hurrying by in a rush to get to work and other daily activities. 

He got to his feet and stretched before tucking his meager belongings into his backpack and heading out into the street. He followed the same basic routine everyday: he walked around the city looking for anything that might trigger a memory, something as small as a child on a swing set, snippets of conversation, or the smell of a hotdog. Around noon he would scavenge the dumpsters around different restaurants or grocery stores, his favorite being the pizza place a couple blocks away from where he was sleeping. In the afternoon he always went to the Captain America exhibit at the Smithsonian. Seeing the pictures of him with Steve or the howling commando's was a craving he needed every day. Those pictures were a reminder that he hadn’t always been the ruthless assassin he was now. They were a reminder that he had, at some point, been happy.

As he stared at the handsome, smiling face of Bucky Barnes on the projection screen, he couldn’t help but think just how hilarious it all was. Here was the face of a Howling Commando, a true American hero, Captain America’s best friend, who bravely gave his life in the service of his country. And who was he now? A monster, a killer, some dirty homeless man who ate scraps from restaurants and slept in some dirty alley. He found himself smiling ruefully as he watched the images flicker across the screen. He was still getting used to this sense of humor thing, but he was sure Bucky Barnes’s humor had never been this cynical.

When he at last left the museum, it was starting to get dark. People rushed past him on their way home from work. There were a few police officers that were standing outside a financial building, and he made sure to steer clear of them. Since what happened at the Potomac, he made sure to avoid police. There was no telling if they would recognize him from the destruction, or worse, if they were HYDRA agents in disguise. HYDRA was intertwined deep enough in government and law enforcement that they could have their agents everywhere. He shuddered at what might happen if he caught HYDRA’s attention again.

As he passed a sandwich shop, the scent of food made his stomach growl and his head swim. He really needed to eat more than he did, but whatever he could find that was tossed out didn’t exactly prove to be an eight-course meal every day. The hunger pains made it difficult to think sometimes, which proved frustrating when he was trying to remember things or write in his notebook. It was hard to focus on memories and details when his thoughts kept drifting to the gnawing ache in the pit of his stomach.

Still, sometimes hunger would actually bring fourth memories of a tiny, cramped apartment in Brooklyn, New York. Images of potatoes and cabbage stewed into a thin, slightly foul tasting stew. A skinny little blond punk hovering over the pot on the stove. Himself pushing the plate toward that kid, saying things like, “I told you I’m not hungry Steve,” or “Here, you need this more than I do.” Steve would always try to refuse, but always ended up eating Bucky’s share anyway. The punk.

As he approached the alley, his thoughts drifted back to the food the little girl had brought him the previous two nights. His mouth watered in spite of himself. Maybe she would bring him more food tonight . . . but no. What was he thinking? He couldn’t let that girl close to him. It was dangerous, who knows if HYDRA was still tracking his movements? Besides, he didn’t deserve it. She should help someone who actually deserved kindness. He found himself grinding his teeth as he approached the alley. He would have to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. It was better that way.

As he veered away from the alley onto the sidewalk, he stopped in front of one of the apartment buildings, where the girl mentioned she had lived. He peered inside one of the windows. Sure enough, there she was, all red-hair and freckles and smiles, sitting around the table with her parents, laughing as they played some sort of board game. 

A memory flashed before his eyes. Laughter as they played a new game called Monopoly in front of their tiny cookstove in their apartment, the rain falling outside. Steve’s blue eyes sparking as he won a fourth round in the row, Bucky throwing down his cards in disgust, and Sarah Rogers laughing that her son must have cheated.

He took one last look through the window and began walking away, trying to ignore the blooming feeling of sadness and disappointment that was opening up in his chest.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Here's chapter 4! ;)

Chapter 4

Thalia felt her heart sink a little in disappointment when she looked into the alley a day later and didn’t find the man there. Maybe he had just left for the day. She didn’t want to think about how hard it would be for the man to get help out in the city. Sure, there were soup kitchens and other places to help the homeless, but they weren’t usually enough to help everyone. And with the man’s scruffy, haunted demeanor, most people would probably want to stay away from him. 

“Come on, sweetie!” Her mother smiled at her, holding out her hand to continue walking her to school. Thalia reluctantly grabbed it. She really wanted to tell her mother that she was too old for hand-holding, but her mother seemed in a more detached mood this morning, so Thalia decided not to complain.

As they walked the few blocks to were her school was, Thalia tried to work up the courage to ask what she’d been wanting to ask her mother. 

“You and daddy were fighting again last night.” She said quietly.

Her mother looked at, her, her expression turning from contemplative to concerned. “When did you hear that?”

Thalia looked down at the sidewalk. “Around midnight. I woke up and I heard daddy yelling. And you yelling back. I couldn’t hear what you were yelling about. I’ve heard you and daddy yelling a lot lately.”

Her mother’s face was stony as she looked straight ahead. “Thalia, it’s grownup stuff me and Daddy are fighting about, it has nothing to do with you. Me and Daddy love you, and everything is going to work out, okay sweetie?” She sounded like she was partially trying to convince herself of those words.

Thalia swallowed. “Okay Mommy.” She saw it was useless to push the topic any further. They approached her school, as she wriggled her hand free from her mother’s grip. “Can I please walk home by myself today? It’s only a couple blocks!” She tried to sound like she didn’t want her mother’s company, and that was partly true. But she really just wanted some time to find the man she was helping, see if he needed more food or blankets.

Her mother frowned, “Honey, I-“

“PLEASE???” Thalia whined. Luckily, it didn’t look like her mother was in the mood for an argument.

She smiled a little and kissed Thalia’s cheek. “My little girl is growing up, huh? Remember, come straight home and don’t talk to strangers!”

Thalia nodded, and her mother gave her a wave and a goodbye before she walked away and melted into the bustling crowd. She sighed deeply as she turned toward her prep school. It was going to be a long day. 

All through school, Thalia was hardly paying attention. Her thoughts kept drifting to both her parent’s arguments and the mysterious homeless man. She could barely concentrate on history, her favorite subject. Math and science were a disaster, since she had hated those even before she was distracted.

“I’m surprised at you, Thalia!” Miss. Maloney had reprimanded her when she caught Thalia trying to sketch a picture of the homeless man on her algebra quiz. “You’re usually so well behaved!”

Thalia turned bright red as she listened to a couple mean girls snicker behind her. She wished her parents would let her transfer schools, but there was no way they would let her leave one most prestigious primary school in the city. She didn’t feel at home here at all. All the kids picked on her because she was one of the best students in the class, and the teachers adored her. She would give anything to just melt into the crowd of other students and have no one notice her. 

When school finally ended, Thalia gathered her things and started to walk home. She stuck to the path her mother had mapped out for her, but made sure to glance around in case the man appeared. Maybe he had just left the city, she thought, her heart sinking a little bit.

A commotion down the street caused her to look up. She squeaked as a man rushed past her, almost knocking her and several people off their feet in his rush to get away. She caught a glimpse of his ragged profile and realized with a rush of excitement that it was the the man! She opened her mouth to call out to him, but a moment later another man burst through the crowd, wearing a dirty apron and screaming.

“STOP! THIEF!” The man in the apron kept screaming as he pushed through the crowd, but the homeless man seemed much faster than he was. Without thinking, Thalia took off running after them. Part of her knew if was useless to try and chase after the man, but she had to try.

She ran nearly a block before she almost smashed into the man in the apron, standing on the sidewalk and panting. A police officer was with him, and Thalia caught snippets of their conversation as she rushed past them. “Came into my shop. . . stole at least fifteen bucks worth . . .dirty son of a bitch . . .”

She kept running the the direction the man had gone, until her legs got tired and she had to slow to a walk. She looked around, suddenly fearful. She should’ve been home by now, and she had veered off into a more unfamiliar part of the city. Her heart also sank at the fact that the homeless man had probably disappeared by now, and she probably wouldn’t see him again.Why did she even care so much about some homeless man who could be dangerous or crazy for all she knew? Maybe, it was because she had seen so many people like him before, homeless and suffering, maybe she wanted to help at least one of them.

Thalia sighed in relief when she came across a street she knew. She was only a block or two from her apartment. Hoping to cut the time it would take to get there, she took a shortcut into an alley that she knew ran into her street.

The second she stepped in, rustling movement behind the dumpster caused her to look up, suddenly fearful. There was a figure hunched behind the dumpster, looking like he was trying to appear small as though to not be spotted. 

She cautiously came over. “Hello?” She whispered as she knelt down. Her eyes widened in surprise as the face of the man turned to look at her. He seemed to relax a little as he recognized her, but he still looked ready to bolt at the slightest sign of trouble. 

Thalia gave him a smile. “Hi, remember me? I live on the other block, I brought you food the other day. I was wondering where you’ve been . . .” She trailed off when she saw him shaking his head and looking at her.

“You . . .you shouldn’t be near me.” He spoke in that raspy voice, looking at her pleadingly. 

“Why not?” Thalia asked, but the man just shook his head again. She searched for something else to say, and remembered the confrontation earlier. “What did you steal?”

The man’s expression changed from one of wariness to one of guilt and shame. Thalia’s eyes shifted to the ground around where the man sat and noticed several wrapped sandwiches lying near his feet. Realizing, her heart nearly broke in two. 

“I didn’t want to. I couldn’t help it.” He hung his head. 

Thalia swallowed dryly. “What have you been eating all this time?” The man indicated with a jerk of his head to the dumpster he was sitting beside. Thalia nearly gasped, wanting to cry at the thought of him being so hungry that he would resort to looking in dumpsters or stealing just to get food. She thought of all the food that went to waste in her house every day, and the guilt and shame was almost too much to bear.

“Please, let me help you. There’s plenty of food in my house, I can bring you some every day, if I know where to find you, please?” The man looked at her, his mouth slightly open like he couldn't believe someone was being this kind to him. But he slowly shook his head.

“I can’t. It’s . . .it’s dangerous.” Thalia frowned, wishing the man would tell her why exactly her helping him was so dangerous. She shook her head stubbornly, her red curls bouncing.

“Please, just let me help! I won’t leave until you let me help!” She plopped on the ground beside him and crossed her arms over her chest, staring at him defiantly. He stared at her for a full minute, an annoyed look flashing across his face, before he let out a frustrated sound, almost a laugh?

“Come back tomorrow. I’ll . . .I’ll be here.”

Thalia grinned triumphantly before jumping to her feet. “Great! But you can’t back out, I’ll see you tomorrow!” She turned around before looking back abruptly. “You have a name, right?”

The man glared at her in annoyance, hesitating before speaking. “Bucky . . .”

“Bye Bucky!” Thalia grinned once again before practically skipping out of the alley and down the street to her apartment, hoping her parents weren’t freaking out at how long she’d been gone.

Bucky stared after her. He looked down and the ground before whispering, “She’s just as stubborn as Steve . . .”

**Author's Note:**

> More to come! I always appreciate comments! :)


End file.
